Drink Neuro: Functional Beverage Review

By Caffeine Informer Staff

neuro-functional-drinks
Step right up!  Come one, come all, to witness the fantastical future of functional beverages.

On display we have Neuro Drinks, and they’re here to blast apart your tiring expectations. Here are the stars of this main attraction:

  • NeuroBliss (mood enhancement)
  • NeuroSport (fitness enhancement) (discontinued)
  • NeuroSonic (mental performance)
  • NeuroSleep (sleep enhancement)
  • NeuroTrim (weight loss support)
  • NeuroGasm (changed to NeuroPassion 2012) (“body” performance – we added the quotes)

They may feature the same surnames, but make no mistake they are completely unique of each other.

Look here to find out how many Neuros would be deadly!

New Additions to the Neuro Family

NeuroSupremeNeuro has added a few more formulations to their line-up, but we haven’t had a chance to review them yet. We still wanted to mention them here along with their basic intended function.

  • NeuroSupreme- This one is stealth as their website says that some things are “best kept secret”… hmmm. Nothing about its flavor or function. What a gamble… (discontinued)
  • NeuroAqua- Spring water and minerals designed to help alkalize the body’s pH. (discontinued)
  • NeuroSun- All the vitamin D (1000IU) from sunlight but without the UV skin damage. (discontinued)
  • NeuroDaily- Immune support. Added 2013

If you have tried any of these new Neuro Drinks, let us know what they’re like in the comments below.

Taste

Flawless.  Everyone one of them, utterly flawless.  Beyond the tastes just being straight-up satisfying, they simply make sense according to what each drink is meant to do.

  • NeuroBliss: Lightly carbonated grapefruit juice.  Pretty dense flavor, but perked up by the carbonation.  Tastes like happy!
  • NeuroSport: Uncarbonated lemon-lime.  Incredibly open and refreshing, exactly what you’d want while/after working out.
  • NeuroSonic: Stronger carbonation, quite fruity to the point of being unidentifiable.  Tastes like brain power.
  • NeuroSleep: Soft and smooth mango, uncarbonated.  Almost soothing.
  • NeuroTrim: No carbonation, and a prominent yet fleeting taste of something that grows on a tree.  Comes and goes without a need for commitment.

Ingredients

neuro-dailyWater.

Ok fine I’ll list the major ingredients, I just don’t feel like it.  This is the boring part of my job, and Neuro drinks have the most complicated ingredients collection there is.  Try and keep up:

  • NeuroBliss: Acetyl-L Carnitine, L-Phenylanaline, S-Hydroxytryptophan, L-Theanine, Eleutherococcus senticosus, Rhodiola rosea, and Gingko biloba
  • NeuroSport: Calcium, Phosphorus, Magnesium, Zino, Slenium, Copper, Manganese, Chromum, Molybdenum, Chloride, Sodium, and Potassium.
  • NeuroSonic: Taurine, Glucuronclactone, Acetyl-L Carnitine, L-Phenylalanine, Caffeine, L-Theanine, Alpha GPC, Inositol, Eluetherococcus senticocus, and reservatrol
  • NeuroSleep: Magnesium Glycinate, L-Theanine, 5-Hydroxytryptophan, and Melatonin
  • NeuroTrim: Pure Konjac Fiber
  • NeuroDaily: Vitamins D, A, C, and E as well as selenium and zinc. (caffeine-free)

Effect

Prepare for shock and awe.

  • NeuroBliss: Much to my veracious enjoyment, NeuroBliss shoves you into an impenetrable euphoria for about three blissful hours.  Forget companionship.  No need for fulfilling a religion.  Surpass wellbeing.  If happiness is what you seek, it’s anxiously waiting for you in a bottle.  And this bottle of happiness won’t leave you with a hangover.  I’m very serious here, this drink works!
  • NeuroSport: So this one is supposed to enhance your workout.  I drank one before a run, and another during a racquetball tournament.  It tasted and refreshed my body better than standard, boring old water.  That’s about it.
  • NeuroSonic: If I didn’t read the label or consider the company (who insists on not being compared with energy drinks), I’d say that NeuroSonic is best categorized as an extremely potent energy drink.  Sorry Neuro, but after drinking this one I’m afraid it’s an energy drink.  It may not be on paper, but NeuroSonic tweaked the bajeezus out of me!  It’s been a while since I’ve had my reality accelerated so rapidly.

Truthfully speaking, NeuroSonic goes almost too far.  It’s supposed to enhance focus, but it was all I could do to keep enough focus to even finish the game on the back of my Lucky Charms cereal box.  I was in an insatiable search for something to sink my intellectual teeth into.

  • NeuroSleep: The first thing I considered when I handled this drink was how inappropriate it was in the most basic sense.  How are you supposed to have a great full night’s rest after drinking 14 ounces of liquid?  I knew nature would be calling me to say, “what’s up” in a couple hours, but I drank one anyways.

I laid in bed, restless, for about an hour.  Then within 5 minutes, I felt nauseous, ran to the bathroom, and vomited.  After that I felt great and ready for bed.  Was it something I said?  The entire next day, I was dead tired.  This drink gave me so much trouble I’m not willing to try a second bottle to see if the first was a fluke (which, to Neuro’s credit, it could have been).

  • Neurotrim: I drank these just for their pleasing taste.  I didn’t notice suppression in my appetite, and certainly not a loss of weight (I was only sent two bottles).

Verdict

By now you’re asking your dirty little self, what about NeuroGasm, huh Dusty?  Huh huh huh?!  I have friends and family reading my posts to this site, so simmer down, I’m not going to review it.  I actually had a friend sincerely ask me whether it succeeds at giving you an orgasm upon drinking it.  Now if that’s not the Holy Grail for functional beverages and the defining point of the downfall of mankind, I don’t know what is.

Anyways, to wrap this up, I’m incredibly impressed by these Neuro beverages.  Even if some of them might not work as hoped, good God the innovation factor for this company is in a whole league of its own.  They may not exactly be energy drinks, but are undoubtedly in the same family tree.  That being said, I can’t wait to see what drinks like these to do the future of our beloved addiction.

If you read this all in one sitting, you might want to call your friends and family and tell them you’re ok.  They’re probably worried about you being out of touch for so long.

Reviewed by Dusty Smith

If you can’t find Neuro Drinks in your area you can buy them online here.

Drinks are reviewed by an independent drink reviewer and do not necessarily reflect the views or beliefs of this site.
  • Brian

    Man, I haven’t felt a good buzz off an energy drink in forever…maybe after 3 but still. I want to try at least a couple of those.

  • The Crowing

    I’ll review NeuroGasm for you as soon as I get my hands on some ;) haha.

    Definitely stoked for these drinks though. They sound like a solid addition to any cooler, and I hope to see them around soon.

  • Evan

    These are the types of drinks that should be filling every 7-11 in the country. I want to try some of these.

  • Gilly

    Dusty, do you watch the TV show “Psych?” You seriously just sounded like Shawn… lol

    Anyway, I wanna try it now! At least a few of them!

  • Jon

    They look like shampoo.

  • Dusty

    Gilly, no I don’t. I kind of want to now just to see what you’re talking about!

  • Vinny G

    Bought a few of these today. I’m halfway done with a NeuroSonic. I came into the office today feeling completely like shit. I mean, dead tired. I went to bed at about 3 or so…so I was hating it this morning. Anyway, 50% of the NeuroSonic and I’m already not putting my head down on my desk and dozing off for a couple minutes, like I was earlier. I feel better. Lots better actually. Will let you know if it makes you feel like crap (Or if there is a “coming down”/crash factor) later.

  • Vinny G

    Update: I like the stuff. NeurSonic actually makes you feel good. Normally, I feel like sh*t when I crash from energy drinks…that doesn’t happen with these. NeurTrim works somewhat I suppose. Flavors are not the tastiest…but these things seem to work as advertised (For the most part). Cool beans.

  • Dusty

    Thanks for reporting back, Vinny. Great to hear other people’s opinions!

  • Gilly

    And it’s a good show, so it’s not a diss. :D

  • Liz

    I stopped in Famima (downtown LA), browsing at all the random drinks they had…came across this NeuroSonic. Had I known how much caffeine it had, I probably wouldn’t have bought it so late in the afternoon. My heart is beating a little faster than normal, hopefully it won’t keep me up all night. The taste kinda reminds me of a Juice Squeeze from Trader Joes. Its okay, I may pick one of these up again the next time I start falling asleep at my desk!

  • Patrick

    This review is weak. You could have at least kept yourself blind as to what you were actually drinking. Placebo effect anyone?

  • Eloise Please

    I bought the NeuroSleep just because I liked the bottle and the other ones did not interest me. Haven’t gone to sleep yet — but I look forward to agree or disagree with your review.

  • Jeremy

    I found these drinks, somewhat randomly, in my native London. I was on the final leg of an incredibly tiring and depressingly long journey. I’d just sat (facing backwards) on a cramped train, feeling ill, for 4 hours… And then I had a neurobliss. I sat on the last leg of my journey home giggling to myself, and laughing at my own jokes. I’m not normally insane, but this drink is thoroughly amazing!

  • http://www.caffeineinformer.com ted

    Ah sweet Jeremy, didn’t realize they had jumped the ditch, cool thanks for the update!

  • Katie

    NeuroSonic did give me the boost I needed for my early morning weekend class. It was surprisingly pretty effective. (I stumbled upon it in the energy drink section of 7-11.) Later in the afternoon though I found my self crashing really hard.

  • Taraa

    Okay, here’s the thing. I have tried all the drinks except for the neurosleep and the neurotrim. I did enjoy the neuro bliss a lot actually. Very mildly stimulating and i do remember myself being in a pretty happy mood that day. I can’t recall if it was because of the summer-like sunshine outside or if it actually worked, over all though, it had a magnificent taste.

    As for the neurogasm, great taste but i didn’t notice much after drinking it. I felt the same after as i had before. I was only really impressed by the taste.

    NOW
    for the neurosonic. WOW. I don’t know if i’m really impressed or really freaked out. I’m still crashing from the drink as I type this and i drank it at about 7 am. I drank the whole thing, ( it wasnt specified otherwise) but i think you would only need to drink half of this puppy. I was hyped up beyond belief for only sleeping a few hours the night before. I have to agree with Dusty, it is definitely an energy drink as much as the company would like to avoid that saying, they definitely are. I would recommend neurosonic to the ones who can drink up to 5 cans of redbull or monster a day and be stoked but for me, i can’t handle the caffiend jitters. It comes with a major crash. Hope i helped

    and dusty, i definitely will not be trying the neurosleep. I do not want to vomit before i go to sleep. That’s just something i’d like to avoid all together. HAHA

  • kellie

    my friend and i both drank a bottle of the neurosonic and she’s a little hyper but as for me its been like an hour since i drank it and im pretty much still kinda tired. but it definitaly tastes good!!!!!

  • http://www.ukstep.com Jester

    I just found the Neuro drinks in south London and I bought a NeuroSonic, but the label says 35mg caffeine/100ml (150.5mg for the bottle) – this is different to your review?

    Still so tired after a Rockstar Punched Guava, I just cracked open the NeuroSonic so I’ll update later if it’s any good!

  • http://www.caffeineinformer.com ted

    Thanks Jester, I’ll check into it, when they were sent to us for review, we were told that they contained 50mg equivalent to two cups of green tea…Strange amount listed because I thought the legal limit in the UK was 32mg/100ml…..

Last Modified: August 21, 2013