Alien Energy Jerky: Caffeine Laced Beefy Goodness

alienjerkyRiddle me this. Name me something that’s brown, excessively chewy, laced with an addicting chemical, and enjoyable at sporting events like baseball.

Think you got it? Chewing tobacco, right? Noooo! I tricked you! Or, in the words of Splinter from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies, “I made a funny”! I’m talking about Alien Energy Jerky and yes, I did just make a retro TMNT reference. Roll with me kiddies.


I tricked you again! That addicting chemical I spoke of is not entirely what you’re now thinking it is (caffeine, right?). Whatever goes into making the flavor of Alien Energy Jerky is the truly addictive property of this snack! I do not need to explain how the purported tastes really come off. With this snack, the flavor you read is exactly what you get. Each flavor is astonishingly spot-on and incredibly tasty. This is, without a doubt, the best tasting jerky I’ve ever had! OK fine, the flavoring is not an addicting chemical. I didn’t trick you after all. The segue into this section stays, though. Roll with me kiddies.

Flavors: Sweet & Spicy, Hot, Honey Teriyaki (awesome), Peppered


110mg of caffeine and 102mg of guarana. Full daily values of vitamins B6 and B12 will shake hands with your digestive system as well. Oh, there’s also a nice little white packet floating amongst the beef that says “DO NOT EAT.” Rules are made to be broken.


I want to be positive here, I really do. With every package that I tore into with giddy anticipation of a great snack to come, I was yearning to feel some tiggly wiggly in my brain. It simply never happened.


Did you just scroll to this headline lazily looking for a summary of the above paragraphs? Stop it, eat your vegetables first then you can get your meat. I assure you, the meat is entirely worth it, too. This jerky is just scrumptious, to use an entirely inappropriate word. I do believe that part of how they pulled it off is not trying to cram in enough energy ingredients to please everybody. If you love jerky, jeeze just buy this stuff. You may even get lucky and get some tiggly wiggly on the side.

Reviewed by Dusty Smith

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  • Caffeinated beef jerky?

    What will they think of next? My money is on caffeinated fruits.

  • Dusty

    Marvo, I’m going to guess caffeinated new car smell spray. It will allow used car dealers to offer an invigorating sales experience to customers.

  • Anna

    I think a caffeinated shoe insole. Think of the marketing– “Put a spring in your step”, etc.

    Oh and can I just say that the Spot On Energy patch that’s advertised on your page works really well? Bigger burn than I thought, given the low caffeine rating.

  • Dusty

    Anna, I agree that would be a great product 🙂

    As for the caffeine patches, they were actually just reviewed on this site not too long ago,

  • KarlieMildraed

    I am looking forward to the decaf caffeine. I think that would be a chemical wonder. Or caff nail polish.

  • Kaishen

    Gotta try this! I love jerky! Haven’t seen it anywhere as of yet, though. I’d imagine it could probably be found at truck stops on major interstates though.

    Also, you guys need to get on Twitter! You could use an app like HootSuite to auto-post your RSS into Twitter. It auto-shortens URLs and can post per-schedule so ya don’t go over the limit. It’s a neat program that a buncha the big dogs of the internet (Google, etc) run to post their feeds into tweets. There’s other programs too, (like TwitterFeed but that’s the one that tops a google search. Till then, I’ll keep my newsreader going!

  • KarlieMildraed

    Don’t need a Twitter advert here. Make an effort to come to for updates. Twitter equals lazy.

  • Nick

    Caffeinated condoms anyone? I can see the slogan for that, “You can go all night long.”

  • Jake

    Nick, you’re a genius. That’s the smartest thing I’ve heard in a while.

  • luke

    wow tmnt is awsome wow that was a retro comment wow allian jerky that could make a jerk do something even jerkier i love this stuff eat it night and day shamwow guys shamwow goodnight

  • Tim

    As soon as I saw this article I ordered a pack of the Peppered flavor off their website…it’s awesome!

Last Modified: June 18, 2014